I'm a GREAT father to my son, and I would do any and everything for him. I always have him, I take care of him just like his mother does. Me and his mother are not doing well and we are about to separate. I am mad that the mother will get custody right away. I will have to fight to get custody. Please explain to me why it's like that? I take care of my SON if not more then her but she gets to say "You're not taking my son!" and that's how it will be because she's the mother. That's not right....

Father's are DAMNED it they do and DAMNED if they don't. When we're not there for our child, we're dead beats but when we're there and we want to take full control we can't. I need help understanding?

Dynamite Dad

Dear Dynamite Dad,
I feel your pain. I will try to answer your concerns in the order that you presented them. First, I commend you for being a Man and handling your responsibilities. The world needs more GREAT dads like you. Now, you say that you and your son's mother are about to seperate. What makes you want full custody? Is she not fit to keep your child, is she not as good a mom as you are a dad? I ask that because you are suggesting that you want to have him live with you. Isn't it unfair to her for you to take him full-time the same way it would be unfair for her to have sole custody? Why can't you have joint custody?

You are saying that you will have to fight. That is not necessarily true. You actually are legally entitled to joint custody and if you and his mom can agree on the sharing of time, then the courts won't even be required to get involved. That would be the best case scenario. The worst case scenario is that she refuses to be cooperative. In that event, the courts will hear your complaint and mediate for you two to come up with a "sharing agreement". You have a right to see and raise your child and the courts will help you keep that right. So....yes, it seems that men get the raw end of the stick but oftentimes it is because of the "deadbeats" that make it hard for the "good ones".

What happens a lot of times is that men do not know their rights and women use that to their advantage by calling shots that they cannot rightfully call. It took two of you to make the child, the child does not belong to one parent any more than the other parent. Women, as emotional beings, oftentimes, make men suffer by using the child if the relationship didn't go the way they wanted it to go. And that's unfair to use your child to get back at their father. Children need their Dads, so make sure you never stop fighting for what's YOURS!

In conclusion, if you are doing what's RIGHT, SHE has no Right to steal your child from you. Tell her what you want and if she fights, go get that RIGHT!

Every day I wake up I THANK GOD for another day. I was told many times that I was called to ministry of the WORD OF GOD, but lately it seems like it’s not going to come to pass. I know you are supposed to have faith but it’s just not that easy. I want to do right but it seems life won’t allow it. I LOVE GOD and I’m always going to look to him, believe, and be a man of GOD but how long is it going to take me to get to where I need to be and where GOD needs me to be?

Future Pastor

Dear Future Pastor,
The meaning of Future is later, not now. People see in you, the light, and your potential. They see that you have the love of God in your heart and they are affirming for you, probably through HIM, that you have a calling. When that time will come, no one but God knows. If you love God, then you know that God has you exactly where he wants you to be. It is not your time, but that should not take away from your worship. Why doesn’t it seem like it will come to pass? You don’t agree with what they see? EVEN when you do fill that spot that is for you, you will yet be a human struggling to be like HIM! Enjoy the journey because when you get there it will NOT be easy. Are you ready for other people’s burdens? Are you ready for MORE scrutiny? Being in that position is VERY hard so remember, be careful what you ask for because when you get it is when the work BEGINS, NOT ENDS! He is building you up so that once you get there, you will stay!

I am a single Black Female who wants to be in a relationship but can’t seem to find the “Right Guy” to make it happen with. What’s a girl to do?

Loveless

Dear Loveless,
Make one. WE always want the reward without the work. Maybe the men that are meeting you are thinking the same about you, that you are not “girlfriend” material. Why do we think that a mate comes ready- made or is already perfect for us? Having a partner means partnership; working together to merge together and become one. It doesn’t happen overnight. Find someone who has SOME of the qualities you would like, and work on the rest. Of course, only take on what you are willing to work with but never expect the end to be at the beginning. What you want in the end will come with the process. Where are you looking? Do you let men know up front what you are looking for? It’s okay to be honest, it will save you from a lot of wasted energy. Relationships are good, but they should not be rushed into if you don’t want to have a bunch of them before you have a GOOD one. Take your time so that the one you get will be around for a while.

When I first moved in with my spouse she use to cook and clean, but she has stopped those things, and I would like to know how do I get that back?

Sick of Filth

Dear Sick of Filth,
Let her know that when a woman cooks and cleans, it turns her man on. And when a woman starts to let the house get dirty, the dishes pile up in the sink, and proudly says, “I don’t cook for my man!” that she has lost her essence and her role. Yes, nowadays, woman are busier and working HOWEVER, a woman still has roles, just like men do. Ask her if that means that you can leave the garbage overflowing in the kitchen, not bring your paycheck home to her, OR give her that “PLUG” that she needs when the kids go to sleep? A woman who is slacking should not complain when her man does the same. Who wants a woman who keeps a dirty house, makes you buy food outside when you’ve contributed to having groceries in the house, or doesn’t handle her business at home? It’s just NOT LADYLIKE! Tell her I said, she ought to be ashamed of herself.